Sleep Training...

Whoever invented sleep training is evil. No joke, these last 5 days have been the hardest days I've had with Lily in her entire 33 week earthside existence! (And that includes labor and delivery!)

I knew it was going to be rough but there is no way to prepare for this level of heartbreak. I received a lot of support and advice before going into this and the consensus was "it'll be hard but as long as you stick with..." Of course I'm sticking with it but HOW IN THE WORLD is a mother supposed to leave her screaming baby in a dark room, trying to find a way out of that baby prison people refer to as a crib? Yikes! 

Luckily I had Shane here the first two days of training. I would not have been able to do it alone, that's for sure. We started on a Saturday with daytime naps. They weren't too bad because I knew it wasn't for an entire night (yet) and things seem better and easier during the day. But once night came I started getting this sick feeling in my chest. I cannot stress enough how much I hated this idea...even though it was 50% mine. 

I won't go into detail with times and amounts and lengths of sleep but I will say that it actually has been going...uhm...okay. She's still crying every time I put her in her crib. In fact, she starts crying when I'm next to her crib and haven't even started to put her down yet. She knows. Naps have been relatively short but at least she's taking them. Nights have been pretty good. She'll wake up once or twice a night but she'll get herself back to sleep after a few minutes. So far she's been able to wait about 7 or 8 hours until she needs to eat so I don't need to get out of bed much. I just lay there, listening to her fuss herself back to sleep. (Man, that just seems heartless.)

Sometimes I do feel guilty. I mean I get to sleep comfortably with somebody next to me and she has to sleep in a cage (a nice one though) with no blankets and no one next to her. I mean, I know that's how babies sleep but somehow it seems cruel. 

Shane has to keep reminding me of all the nights spent awake with Lily every 1 to 2 hours, for sometimes hours at a time. Feeding and rocking. Feeding and rocking. And then TRYING to put her in her crib while she's already asleep. Nope, she'd wake up. So...back to feeding and rocking. Sleep training needed to happen for obvious reasons. We weren't sleeping and we felt awful during the day - all three of us. Now during the day we're feeling a little more rested. 

Okay, so now for my confession... When Lily was just a tiny little thing sleeping in my arms I posted something on Facebook about how I would never sleep train using the cry-it-out method. I talked about how it was mean and that babies needed cuddled and that every person will eventually sleep. Ha! I retract all of that...okay, not the cuddling babies part. I realize now that even though it's crazy difficult to hear your baby screaming for you, CIO is NOT mean. And yes, every person will eventually sleep, but I don't think I could wait until she is 16. This was the best choice for us, after all. 

And now to round off this post with the most adorable picture of the most adorable baby ever:

7 months old - trying to get at my camera

Just A Room.

Just a little bit ago I was lying with Lily on her bedroom floor playing with an R2D2 pillow that she got from her Grandpa Yetter. I was looking around at all her things and furniture and considering what else I could hang on the walls or what I could move around. Then it hit me...

This room used to be filled with all my stuff. (And some of my husband's.) A stationary bike on one wall, the computer desk and printer shelf over on the other wall, and all my sewing and craft stuff where her crib is now.

We have been in this apartment for just over 4 years. In the 3 years we were here before Lily was born that second bedroom saw a lot of changes but none of them matter more than the final change we made. Halfway through my pregnancy it really started to sink in that we were having a baby when we began the process of getting rid of all our old stuff and putting together the crib and dresser. We found cute little things to add to the walls and the shelves. We were given picture frames and toys and gear for the baby that quickly filled the room.

Now the room is filled with other things like boxes full of the clothes she has outgrown in the 6 months she's been here. There's toys in the corners and extra little baby-care tools by the changing table. The closet was once packed with our storage, and I'd be lying if I said all of it was out of there, but now there are tons of little pink hangers holding little dresses and adorable outfits.

We had definitely made this apartment a home, but I didn't really feel like it was "home" until that second bedroom became the nursery. And now I can't imagine this place not having all this baby stuff spread out all over... in every room.

Sleep and Other Things I Miss...

So, our little Punky has still not been sleeping well lately. I keep telling myself I need to be used to it by now, but then I realize at 3am, 4:30am, and again at 5:45am that there is absolutely no getting used to this kind of non-sleeping routine we have going here. I always feel bad for telling people "we didn't sleep again last night" because I feel like I shouldn't be complaining (but really I'm just stating a fact) and that I should be doing something about it. What can I do? At two months old she was sleeping anywhere from 8 to 12 hours at night and taking regular daytime naps. All of a sudden when her 4-month sleep regression hit (at 3 1/2 months) she stopped sleeping. The only thing that gets her to sleep now is nursing. I don't mind have to nurse her to get her to sleep but it gets hard when she is up every hour. We have started her on baby food now. Hopefully soon that extra digesting will help her body fall asleep a little better. As for now, this Mama is chronically sleep deprived. 

As for the other stuff I miss? Well, I could sit here and make a list of just the top 100 including anything from Going To The Bathroom When I Want and Clipping My Toenails Regularly. Ha, seriously though, they at least need repainted. Our Little Miss is very clingy, and rightly so. If I were 25 inches tall I would also demand to be carried around everywhere. Wouldn't you? As hard as it has been to give up 100% of me to become 150% Mom I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Of course, when I've had to pee for a couple hours and it's a toss up between holding it in longer or listening to her screaming while I go I sometimes go into "survival mode" and wish that I had my life back. Oh, but then I quickly remember that she is my life now. (So, I usually choose to hold it a bit longer.)

My husband is - and has always been - more patient than me. He is always reminding me that this won't be forever. I will one day get a little more Kaylee-time to repaint my toenails or pluck that one stray eyebrow hair. Ha. Last week I tried to make peanut butter cookies while Shane was at work. It took 3 hours. The whole time Lily just yelled at me. It wasn't really fussing and it wasn't screaming, it was just yelling. Like, "Hey Mooooom! Heeeey! Remember meeee!?" I'd turn around, getting a little irritated, and she'd give me the biggest smile and go back to playing with a toy. I'd smile and laugh at her weirdness and just as I'd turn back around to get my hands in the dough she'd start yelling again. You have to admire that kind of persistence. It will be much easier, and much more fun, when she's older and can actually help make the cookies. :)  I can't wait for moments like that. 

Today is actually Punky's half-birthday! Six months old and we've all survived so far! Every month on the 24th we take pictures. (I'm not OCD but it would kill me to take the pictures on the 25th when she'd be one day older.) I edit a few of the pictures and upload a bunch to Facebook to share with everyone. Then whenever I get some good deals on prints from Shutterfly I order a TON of prints to send to family. I love doing it. I have photo albums strictly for Lily's "Month" pictures. I look back at all the pictures in those albums and on the computer and every time my heart breaks a little more. (In a bittersweet sort of way.) I love seeing my baby grow and learn and reach all her important milestones, but WHY does she have to get older? Why can't she just stay my tiny little girl forever? Because we'd go broke just on the diapers alone, that's why. 

Here is one of Lily's 6th Month pictures:  

Isn't she just the sweetest? 

One of these days I hope to get on here and post about my birthing experience. I wanted to a while back, but...well, I don't think I need to explain. Our experience having Lily was such a crazy & beautiful thing, but it definitely didn't go as we'd planned. 

Tonight I got lucky and was able to put Lily to bed a bit earlier than usual so I'm going to wrap this up and spend a little Kaylee-time with my bed and my Bible. 

A Miracle.

I am a strong believer in miracles. I believe they happen all the time - small, large, itty bitty, ya know, about the size of a baby. In my life I can name a few times when a miracle has stood out and made me say wow! but there was one that takes the cake - heck, it takes two cakes! 

This is the story of how I found out I was pregnant:

Shane and I started trying for a baby in February of 2013. At that time we had been married four and a half years. Yeah, we waited a while to have kids. Now I know it takes many people a lot longer than 5 months to conceive but by the end of June I was extremely frustrated that I wasn't pregnant yet. I was really starting to lose hope - wanted to throw in the towel and consider buying a goldfish or something. To say I was frustrated doesn't really explain it, though; I was hurt, disappointed, angry, and scared that something was wrong with one or both of us. I thought, surely we'd be able to get pregnant right away but all those home-pregnancy tests kept coming up negative. 

A week into July I was at my breaking point. I would cry myself to sleep, praying to God that He would let me get pregnant. I wanted so badly to give Shane a son or daughter and I was starting to think that I was being punished for something. Yeah, I was that down on myself. The second weekend in July I fell apart. This wasn't just crying; this was full out weeping and begging. I was cursing everyone else that got pregnant so easily - and everyone that got pregnant when they didn't want to. My anger was red hot toward anyone who had even considered abortion. How could someone kill a baby that I would die for? 

By the end of that night I was worn out. Exhausted. Spent. Somehow I managed to fall asleep. The next morning when I woke up I had this realization: Kaylee, you need to give up all this anger or nothing will happen. Call it what you will but I know God put that on my heart. I gave up. I told God to take my anger away. I said I couldn't deal with it anymore. I wanted to have a baby for our family and not out of resentment for people who destroy their babies. Another week went by...

On that following Thursday - the 18th - Shane was with a close friend of ours having a very spirit-led night. I was already in bed when he came home so I didn't know this until the next morning, but he came to bed and prayed over me until he fell asleep. At some point in the night he actually heard God tell him Shane, your wife is pregnant. Okay, whoa! right? Yeah. Awesome. The next morning - the 19th - Shane told me what happened while I was sleeping. I was amazed to say the least. I cried thinking well, we'll see.

That evening we were both at that friend's house with a bunch of great people and I started not feeling well. I figured it was something I ate so I had Shane drive me home so I could rest a bit and hopefully rejoin the group later on. Shane went back and I went and laid on the bed with a pregnancy book - haha. I read a few pages and then I thought oh what the heck, I'll give it a shot. Now I know they say that morning is the best time to do an early pregnant test and this was at 9pm so I didn't have much hope. I grabbed one of the tests, did my thing, and waited the too-long two minutes. Keep in mind I had just endured five painful months of negative tests so I was gearing up to have my heart broken again. When I went back to the bathroom to look at the test I almost fainted. Positive! Surely, it's wrong. There's no way...

After crying (happy tears) and praying and thanking God over and over again I texted Shane and told him he should come home. When he came in I was just sitting casually on the couch dinking on my phone. I told him he should go look at something on the bathroom counter. He said he knew something was up before he even got to the bathroom. He saw the test and wow - I can't even describe the joy that was overflowing in our tiny apartment. More crying, hugging, praying, laughing. Best night ever. 

The next day I took two more home tests just to make sure - and let's face it, I liked seeing those positive signs! That following Tuesday we went to the clinic to get another test and do all the pre-prenatal stuff. Then we told our families. 

Typing this now, I'm tearing up just remembering the feeling of those couple of days. And now I can hear my precious miracle squirming in her crib over the monitor. I love that little miracle to the moon and back. And I thank God everyday not only for her but also for blessing us with such an amazing story to tell. 

The day after our miracle, Lillian Mae, was born.

My Decision To Not Wear Makeup.

I just posted this on my other blog.  My Decision To Not Wear Makeup.

Since it has a little to do with mommyhood I thought I would link to it here. 

And here is a tantalizing excerpt:

Having a baby changes your priorities. You no longer come first. Your baby eats before you eat, she gets comforted when you are uncomfortable, and holding her is more important than going to the bathroom (apparently). These reasons plus the fact that I stay at home with my daughter everyday are why I haven't had time to stand in front of the mirror and do my hair and makeup. Heck, sometimes I don't even get a chance to shave both legs when I'm in the shower.

Enjoy! 

Storms and Gas.

Let me preface this with a disclaimer: I don't intend for this post to come off as a complaint, because I'm not complaining. K, thanks.

Yesterday was crazy. Lily woke up just fine in the morning - happy giggles and smiles while she played with her toys. The rest of the morning and early afternoon she was either content awake or napping. At 4:30 she woke up from a nap and that's when all hell broke loose. She wasn't just crying; she was screaming. I'm sure the neighbors thought I was performing some paganistic child-sacrificing ritual in the living room. The poor girl just wouldn't calm down. I fed her, we tried the bicycle move in case there was gas, I tried giving her gripe water but she was crying too hard to swallow it; nothing was working!

By 7:30 she still had not gone down for another nap but she had decided she'd calm down only if I fed her...and fed her again. Somewhere in there she took a small nap and actually woke up happy again. I thought, maybe we're on the mend here, maybe we'll get along the rest of the night. Yeah...I thought wrong. While she was content I finally got some gripe water in her (and she actually took it without fussing about it!) and we sat and played with our hands and rocked a bit. Then out of the bright blue sky she just started wailing...Now I can't even begin to explain what my face must have looked like at that moment. I'm sure it was something like WHAT THE...?! WHO HUH WHA...?? No doubt I was panicked. Not just because she was crying for no apparent reason, but because I couldn't do a dang thing to help her! As a parent, nothing makes you feel less in control than than. 

Since she was born we knew she had some trouble with gas/digestion. It's not so bad that she needs to be on medication, nor do we have to see a doctor about it. But it certainly is frustrating - for all of us. So here I am thinking that it's just got to be a gas thing. And in the end, I think that was half of the problem. The other half was the weather...

We had a crazy thunderstorm last night and I didn't even put it all together in my head until Shane mentioned that maybe it was the barometric pressure making her act all crabby. Now my guess, and this really is just a guess, is that she had some gas all along, but couldn't sleep well because of the weather making her act all goofy, so she wasn't able to digest very easily causing the nightmarish screaming. 

The "funny" part of the story is that I had been walking around with this screaming baby for about 30 minutes before Shane gets home from work. He comes in and I tell him I need a little break (my back was aching by this point) so he changes real quick and takes her. Within half an hour she was asleep and in her crib. Are you kidding me?! I pace the floors for several hours trying to get her to just calm down and all it takes is Daddy for half and hour. I went to bed soon after that and Shane was up with Lily a couple more times before she went to bed for real - but it was nothing like earlier in the day. 




I mentioned gripe water earlier. It's amazing. On a normal gassy day we give it to her every 4 hours and it helps calm her down and usually helps her poop better too. This is what we give her. They make an apple flavored kind, but we just get the regular. I don't think a 3 month old needs introduced to flavors yet. 

Hoping for a calmer evening! 

Let's Begin...Again.

I tried to post earlier this morning (an hour of my day wasted) but it would not post and then I lost the darn thing altogether. So we're going to try this again...



A little under 3 months ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl that we named Lily Mae. Around the time we came home from the hospital I had this great idea that I should start a blog about my new life as a mommy. And...it never got started. I'll go into things more throughout my posts but our first month was a little rocky. It seemed like Lily would never get over needing to be held all the time. We couldn't get anything done around the apartment and nevermind having to go to the bathroom! In these last 3 months the blog idea stuck with me but even after it started getting easier to put Lily down on a playmat or in her crib I just never got the motivation to get going on it. So I might seem like a copy-cat now that my sister has started blogging about her mommy experiences just today, but I swear I came up with the idea on my own! Her blog just kicked me in the butt to start. Her blog can be found here if you're interested - which you should be, 'cause it's awesome.

Lily Mae (short for Lillian Mae) is our first child. She has completely changed our lives in so many ways. The most obvious way is in our sleep patterns. My goodness, I expected less sleep but I guess I didn't really think there would just be this cloud of sleep-deprivation hanging over our home at all times. Ha. It could be worse, I know. My husband remembers quite well how "worse" it was in that first month. She was a clingy baby from the start - which is great but she had to sleep on one of us during naps and at nighttime. We had tried to use a Pack n Play in our bedroom at first but she wouldn't sleep in it. We'd swaddle, unswaddle, reposition, walk and bounce, and repeat but eventually we noticed that the reason she kept waking up was her startle reflex. She'd be perfectly relaxed and sleeping one second, then BOOM! the next second her arms would shoot straight out to her sides and her eyes would open and she'd be awake.

We noticed that she slept great while we were holding her, either cradled or upright on our chests. So we resigned to letting her sleep however she would sleep. The first few days/nights didn't seem so bad. After about a week we were drained. Shane, my husband, wouldn't actually fall completely to sleep while holding her in fear that she'd roll off of him. And I could sleep knowing I'd wake up the second she twitched, but I was uncomfortable sleeping on the couch. But what could we do?

After that first month we at least had a rhythm down. But we still had another month of this. My sister let us borrow their Moby Wrap to try. Shane would wear that at night with her in it while he did homework (yes, he was juggling a full-time job, new baby, and a full semester in college) and then he'd sleep in the recliner with her still wrapped up. I got to sleep in the bed, but I'd jerk awake at the slightest peep from the living room. By this point though, Lily was sleeping about 4 hours at a time so the late night feedings weren't constant.  And then one day she fell asleep while nursing so I thought I'd try to lay her on the couch just so I could use the bathroom. Since I could see the couch from the bathroom I decided I'd try to lay her on her tummy to see how she'd do. It was great! She slept that way for almost 20 minutes. I couldn't believe it! So naps started to become monitored tummy-time. (Now it is just how she sleeps. We made sure she was able to turn her head on her own and wouldn't sleep face-down before we let her stay that way in her crib.)

One day right before she was 2 months I texted Shane while he was at work. I told him I thought it was time to try to get her to sleep in her crib in her own room. I just had this feeling that we might be able to make it work. He came home for lunch and told me that just that very day he'd had the same feeling and was going to bring it up after work. So we gave it a shot. The first night, as all first nights, was rough. She was down, she was up, she was crying, she was too tired to sleep...

Within a couple nights she figured it out. She would sleep her 4 or 5 hours, wake up to eat, and go back to bed. Not long after that she was sleeping 6 to 7 hours straight and then taking a good morning nap after eating. We even had one night that she slept for 11 hours and then took two more long naps during the day.

At almost 3 months old she is still sleeping pretty well. Five to six hours, eat, diaper change, back to bed for 3 or 4 hours. And she's really getting used to our schedule. I'm home all day but Shane works in the afternoon till late at night. She usually goes to bed around the time he gets home so I can get some sleep. Nap times are still "whenever she will sleep." It's easier to tell now when she's getting tired so I can start rocking her before she gets crabby.

Well, I have probably started rambling so I'll quit while I'm ahead.

This blog will be full of stories of my pregnancy, delivery, and random hilarious (and not so hilarious) poop stories. Why moms like to swap poop-stories, I'll never know...