I knew it was going to be rough but there is no way to prepare for this level of heartbreak. I received a lot of support and advice before going into this and the consensus was "it'll be hard but as long as you stick with..." Of course I'm sticking with it but HOW IN THE WORLD is a mother supposed to leave her screaming baby in a dark room, trying to find a way out of that baby prison people refer to as a crib? Yikes!
Luckily I had Shane here the first two days of training. I would not have been able to do it alone, that's for sure. We started on a Saturday with daytime naps. They weren't too bad because I knew it wasn't for an entire night (yet) and things seem better and easier during the day. But once night came I started getting this sick feeling in my chest. I cannot stress enough how much I hated this idea...even though it was 50% mine.
I won't go into detail with times and amounts and lengths of sleep but I will say that it actually has been going...uhm...okay. She's still crying every time I put her in her crib. In fact, she starts crying when I'm next to her crib and haven't even started to put her down yet. She knows. Naps have been relatively short but at least she's taking them. Nights have been pretty good. She'll wake up once or twice a night but she'll get herself back to sleep after a few minutes. So far she's been able to wait about 7 or 8 hours until she needs to eat so I don't need to get out of bed much. I just lay there, listening to her fuss herself back to sleep. (Man, that just seems heartless.)
Sometimes I do feel guilty. I mean I get to sleep comfortably with somebody next to me and she has to sleep in a cage (a nice one though) with no blankets and no one next to her. I mean, I know that's how babies sleep but somehow it seems cruel.
Shane has to keep reminding me of all the nights spent awake with Lily every 1 to 2 hours, for sometimes hours at a time. Feeding and rocking. Feeding and rocking. And then TRYING to put her in her crib while she's already asleep. Nope, she'd wake up. So...back to feeding and rocking. Sleep training needed to happen for obvious reasons. We weren't sleeping and we felt awful during the day - all three of us. Now during the day we're feeling a little more rested.
Okay, so now for my confession... When Lily was just a tiny little thing sleeping in my arms I posted something on Facebook about how I would never sleep train using the cry-it-out method. I talked about how it was mean and that babies needed cuddled and that every person will eventually sleep. Ha! I retract all of that...okay, not the cuddling babies part. I realize now that even though it's crazy difficult to hear your baby screaming for you, CIO is NOT mean. And yes, every person will eventually sleep, but I don't think I could wait until she is 16. This was the best choice for us, after all.
And now to round off this post with the most adorable picture of the most adorable baby ever:
7 months old - trying to get at my camera
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